Yesterday (Friday) I convinced my employed, showoff because they have a cubicle, friends to skip work. The main reason that made them agree was the fact there was fresh, soft snow all over the yard and it was prime for some snow football.

I’m sure many know the fun of playing football in the snow. Tackles and hard hits done mean shit when your landing in the snow and your body is too numb from the sub zero temperatures. Before we played, a case of beer was cracked open and the inebriation began.

As always, somebody manages to get hurt. Normally me and my roommate get away from any serious world of hurt but today, one of use would get nailed.

This is what went down…My roommate was QB and in the huddle said he would fake a pass to one of our friends and then rocket a short pass to me which I would drive towards the end zone. Now one more thing you need to imagine is the fact that one side of the yard is lined by a brick wall that is part of the house, and attached to this is a satellite dish.

So the ball is snapped and I receive my pass. I’m charging towards the end zone when out of nowhere I see a 200lb, 5’6″ ball of lard just come diving at me. Thinking that I will pull a Jack Bauer and pull through before getting hit by this ball of lard, I pick up speed only to still get nailed. The timing could not have been right because as soon as I fell to the ground, the metal satellite dish was in the way and clipped my forehead.

Nice, I feel warm crap oozing down my head and with this fatso still on me, I wonder if he is drooling thinking that I’m some piece of chicken for him to eat, or its blood. Lucky for me, it was blood. Since it was too cold outside, I could not feel any pain but went inside and wiped the blood. For some reason it never stopped, I little worried, a little drunk, I just taped a dish rag around my head and played some Xbox and waited for the bleeding to stop.

1hr later it still did not stop and the rag was dripping blood. Not good, at this time I could also feel pain. This is when the trip to the hospital was made. Two guys came with me to the ER and we still had a dishcloth taped to my head. The nurse that first saw me that we were retarded but I don’t care, she was hot and I will be whatever.

When the opened up the rag and cleaned the wound, the doctor said I would need 5 stitches to close the gash. So now I have a scar probably. I told the doctor I needed something for the pain and was given some painkillers. These things are awesome.

4hrs after being in a hospital I got out and came home. Tried to watch some TV before passing out and that is when I realized my head broke the satellite dish. Too wasted on drugs last night I just told myself to fuck it and passed out.

This morning, I cant eat sugar crisps without cartoons and its Saturday! Saturday morning cartoons are every kids god given right to watch. Well called Dish Network and the earliest a technician is going to come is Monday. Bull shit. I never tell them that the “earliest” I will pay my bill is whenever…ass wipes need to fix this soon because right now all I have is Xbox and books to read.

I’m gonna pop some candy and pass out for a bit. Just take my advice, if you ever play a sport and are about to get hit, try to fall AWAY from a satellite dish. It not only hurts, it takes out valuable entertainment that cannot be easily replaced.